Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
