apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
