I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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