I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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