Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently the secret to your success is patron
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
