i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize