Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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