Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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