This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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