I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
