I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize