Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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