Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
