you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
