Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
