tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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