actually, I'm a sock model
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
