take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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