my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
