the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
