Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
