That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
