Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
