i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
