OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
