College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize