Im at strip club and am horny
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
