herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
