no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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