Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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