I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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