It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
