A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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