YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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