"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
not ubering you a puppy
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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