I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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