Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
