What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
