Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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