I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
