I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
