I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
