when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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