I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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