so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
