I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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