its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
