I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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