epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
