my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize