Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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