i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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