some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
