My liver just broke up with me...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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