apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
