Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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