I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
