somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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