just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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