he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
