Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
