The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
