i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
