The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
