My nipple is on Facebook.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
