Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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