Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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