Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Please, let me fuck your mom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
