This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
