I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
