She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize