that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
