i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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