just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
